Breaking My Silence & The TFRM Vegas Conference
Years ago, I poured my heart into volunteering with TFRM, a group buzzing with passion and purpose. It was a vibrant time, full of ideas and camaraderie. But like many things built on human effort, TFRM faced its share of storms—turmoil, turnover, and misunderstandings that cut deep. I know some of the gritty details firsthand, having been caught in the crossfire and at times adding, what I believe to be, deserved ammunition. Near the end I read a report about myself that twisted events beyond recognition; ironically bias about perceived bias has it’s charm. Tempted by the drama? Sorry to disappoint, but I’m not here to spill tea. One truth I’ve come to embrace is that many of us arrived at advocacy wounded. Some of us were already carrying scars from the relationships that led us here, only to find deeper pain in the fight. It’s no shock that broken people, united in their hurt, sometimes fracture the bonds they form. That’s not failure—it’s human. I’m far from perfect, and I hope those caught in the chaos can one day own their part, no excuses, no “buts”, & no prerequisites. Some bridges have been rebuilt, others I’ve let crumble and am content. The door’s open for healing, but I won’t carry the weight of others’ wrongs. Here’s my take: if someone’s finding strength from an advocate or group I’ve parted ways with, let them have it. That doesn’t mean ignoring lies or hypocrisy—call it out, but don’t tear them down just to wound. Live and let live.
In 2019, as a volunteer with TFRM, I helped organize and worked the Las Vegas conference, witnessing its impact firsthand. In the coming weeks, I’ll be writing about the keynote speakers and their presentations from that event. The conference was filled with impactful advocacy, and many of the ideas shared deserve greater recognition. Yahya McClain’s powerful film Casualties of W.A.R. stood out, as did Melissa Isaak’s practical seminar on Anatomy of a Custody Case. There was a wealth of knowledge that could still inspire change. I’ll probably miss some names when listing attendees, and I regret that—please reach out if I do. Here are some of the advocates present, some whose talks or sessions I’ll cover: Stephen Baskerville, Yahya McClain, Travis Gee (virtually), Melissa Isaak, Sherry and Ron Palmer, Torri Evans, Philly Slim, Jeremy Roberts, Jeff Miller, David Pisarra, William Comanor, Ira Peskowitz, Lynda Steele, Tom Fidler, Joe Jensen, Tucker McCravy, Mike Whitney, David Vesper, Larry DeMarco, and others. Some are prominent figures, some are friends I’ve grown close to, and others I know only by name.
In the weeks ahead, I’ll write about what struck me as worth sharing from the 2019 conference, spotlighting the speeches and ideas that still hold power for reforming family courts. If anyone has any footage they’d like to share and have me unpack, reach out to me directly or at (DavidB@FathersAnon.org). From calls for shared parenting to strategies for navigating biased systems, these insights will hopefully offer practical steps forward.
Or at minimum, offer the solace of TFRM’s old slogan: You are not alone.
David B
Fathers Anonymous
